HOW I WAS RAISED, WHAT I WAS TAUGHT, AND OTHER THOUGHTS

“I’m not your friend.” I remember my step father telling me this when I was in high school. “I love you son, but my job isn’t to be your friend.” At the time, I remember being hurt. I remember having this kind of depressed feeling after hearing this, like I wasn’t wanted or valued. I could tell he registered this, and what he said following will stick with me for the rest of my life. “As your parent, my job isn’t to be your friend. My job is to raise you to be a man of character and have moral value. A man that will contribute to society and be able to survive in this world. I love you son, but my job is not to be your friend.” After that it clicked, I understood exactly what he was saying. He could not have been more correct. The person I am today is due to my upbringing. My parents did an amazing job of showing me unconditional love and support while also preparing me for what life really is; hard, cruel, unforgiving, but at the same time full of opportunity for those that want something more. They let me know early on in life that if I wanted something, I must work for it. This world wouldn’t just reward me for laziness and lack of ambition.

Something that sparked this blog was a debate that I recently watched. A news anchor was talking with parents being interviewed and they began discussing raising children. The parents brought up the fact that their kids were being disciplined the way they were, with spankings for serious wrong doings. The anchor’s reaction was priceless, she looked at them like murderers. Following the initial reaction there was a lengthy debate discussing the pros and cons of disciplining children and the affects it could have on them. At this point I thought to myself what I will do to discipline my future children. I was on the side of the parents. I had been raised with spankings and other physical punishments for wrongdoings and turned out just fine. So, is that the right method for all children?  Or is it child specific as far as how they react to certain punishments?  

To me, that’s what my generation and the generations following me tend to lack, the stern and physical punishments for wrongdoing. I believe it’s leading to a spineless generation that doesn’t understand consequences or respect. Growing up, they assume everything is sunshine and rainbows because they’re protected from the world by their parents, aren’t disciplined by their parents except for a harsh scolding(wow), and then go out in the real world without mommy and daddy’s protection and wonder why the world won’t bow to their will. I don’t get it. When I say these things, it is not to belittle the parents that practice these principles, maybe it works for them.  In my opinion, it cultivates a mindset that everything will always be ok no matter how bad life gets.  Which is something I disagree with vehemently (SAT word). The truth is though that I could be wrong.  I mean, what do I know?  I have no children, I haven’t raised anyone. All I know is how I was raised, which is on the premise that I control my destiny.  If something goes wrong, it’s MY fault.  Not the worlds, not my bosses, not the government’s, only my own.  I love it, it keeps me in complete control of my current situation and helps me maintain focus on my goals.

My upbringing amazes me more and more as I get older and understand the full effect of what it takes to raise a child. My mother was 20 when she had me, she came from an old school Methodist family and lived in an old school tiny Oklahoma town.  I can’t begin to understand the things that people said about her and the rumors that circulated around my birth.  She had to deal with more at 20 than I’ve dealt with in total at the age of 24. For a while it was just little baby Trev (prolly cute as hell) and this 20 something year old woman probably still trying to figure out life.... but you know what... she fking killed it. She didn’t make excuses, she didn’t feel sorry for herself and ask the world why this was happening to her. She owned being a mother. She showed me love, compassion, empathy, and a strong moral compass from a young age. I believe these first few years of my life formed a bond that is stronger than any other I have experienced or ever will experience. It was just us living In small town Oklahoma trying to make it. She did an amazing job and I am forever grateful for those first few years that built my foundation. In my eyes, she is the purest form of person both inside and out. She experienced a lot at a young age and didn’t let it overwhelm her. She didn’t let it affect her negatively. She adapted to the circumstances, and did what she had to do to raise a young child and give the best upbringing she could. She will forever have my utmost respect, thanks, and unconditional love for providing me a safe and loving environment to grow up in.

I was also very fortunate to have a strong male presence in my life.  Both from my biological father and my step father.  I realize that my situation was unique, and maybe even considered lucky.  The fact that I had a great relationship with both men was and is a huge blessing.  My step father came into my life when I was 2 years old, and did an amazing job of making me feel like his very own son.  There was never any resentment growing up, sure we disagreed on a lot of things, but he always let me know how much he loved me.  As I've grown older, I understand more about why he raised me the way he did.  Also how it has had a huge positive impact on me as far as surviving and thriving on my own.

Both my mother and step father built up a foundation that has led to my work ethic today.  They made sure I knew that if I wanted something, I had to go out and get it.  This led to me working as soon as I could drive.  Like all teens, I had a hunger for financial freedom which led to me working multiple jobs throughout high school and college so that I could afford the lifestyle that I wanted.    Fast forward to 24 and living in New York and little has changed.  I still have the mindset that I control my future, no one else.  If I want to be successful, I alone can make that happen.  Sure, I’ll miss nights out with friends and experiences, and yes this “ambitious life” is lonely.  Those that live it find themselves with more acquaintances than friends.  To be truly successful that’s what it takes, being selfish with your time and prioritizing success and development over all else. 

This whole post is mainly filled with my thoughts on how I was raised and what it led to for me personally.  I can’t begin to fathom what my life would be like if my parents hadn’t raised me the way they did.  I am so thankful that they empowered from a young age to work for what I want instead of waiting for it to come to me.  This has led to countless opportunities and an inner drive that will not allow me to fail.